Review: The Last Time We Say Goodbye by Cynthia Hand

The Last Time We Say Goodbye by Cynthia Hand
Released: 1st February 2015
Published by: HarperCollins
Genre: YA Contemporary
Source: Publisher
Pages: 400
My Rating: 4 of 5 stars
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The last time Lex was happy, it was before. When she had a family that was whole. A boyfriend she loved. Friends who didn't look at her like she might break down at any moment. Now she's just the girl whose brother killed himself. And it feels like that's all she'll ever be. As Lex starts to put her life back together, she tries to block out what happened the night Tyler died.

But there's a secret she hasn't told anyone-a text Tyler sent, that could have changed everything. Lex's brother is gone. But Lex is about to discover that a ghost doesn't have to be real to keep you from moving on. From New York Times bestselling author Cynthia Hand, The Last Time We Say Goodbye is a gorgeous and heart-wrenching story of love, loss, and letting go.

Thank you to HarperCollins Australia for sending me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review 

There's no doubt that The Last Time We Say Goodbye is a sad book, though I'm sure you wouldn't go into it thinking any differently. This is a story packed with raw emotions that draws you in with its confronting honesty and repercussions of a tragedy on a family which was already broken. It seems there is an increasing trend for YA novels covering teen suicide and its impact on the loved ones left behind. It is creating a growing awareness of the issue, and through covering it via this form it becomes something which we can all sympathise with; and hopefully try to solve.

They don't understand yet. That they are all waiting for that one phone call that will change everything. That every one of them will feel like me eventually. Because someone they love will die. It's one of life's cruel certainties.

I hadn't read anything by Cynthia Hand before delving into The Last Time We Say Goodbye, but I'm now really interested in seeing more of her writing style, because in this book it really does 'speak to you' as a reader. It's not the sort of in-your-face lyrical prose, but instead being told of Lexi's experience of losing her brother is something that feels real. Honestly, this book was heartbreaking from the start, and learning of the lengths her brother went to and the darkness he fell into to make his final decision was confronting. 

The space where Ty used to be, they've closed it in. Which makes a freaking grief hole open up in my chest. I wait for it to pass, but it doesn't, not for what feels like much longer than the normal thirty seconds. As usual I start to feel like there's something physically wrong with my body - I can't breathe, my heart is beating too fast, I can't breathe, I can't breathe.

Lex is quite a complex character in herself, who is forced to not only help herself through the grief, but her mother too. When she begins to 'see' her brother around the house and have awful dreams about him dying in so many situations, it really is evident just how much this has affected her. By writing journal entries about the 'last time' she did things with her brother, we get to see even more of the two of them, her conflicting emotions and the inevitable guilt that somehow she was responsible for not pulling him back from the edge. 

I feel like I've disappeared already, the Lex that I was before, and some people have definitely noticed I'm gone. But then I'm noticing I'm missing doesn't mean I get to come back.

Lex also has some of her own issues outside of dealing with her brother's death in those horrific circumstances. Her math ability is what could get her into MIT, her ex-ish boyfriend Steven seems to still have feelings for her, and all the while there is that gaping hole of sadness because this event has changed her, it seems irrevocably. However, this book is also one about healing, which was good to see. It demonstrates that even in the face of an immense loss there is hope. There is still a life to live for those who have that opportunity. The fact that the author had inspiration for this book from a personal experience makes it all the more poignant, and the last diary entry in the story is what really broke me.

It never fails to amaze me, in these moments, that the numbers explain something tangible and true about life. The numbers make sense of things. They make order of a disordered world.

FINAL THOUGHTS

With a book like this, it can be hard for a reviewer to put thoughts and emotions to words. I hope I've been able to do this for you, but honestly all I have left to say is that this book is heartbreaking, though there is light at the end of the tunnel. If you liked All The Bright Places or I Was Here, then The Last Time We Say Goodbye could appeal to you with that same emotional impact.